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yeah i know im a loser but i have my reasons [06 Feb 2005|11:17pm]
[ mood | sick ]

it's amazing...it's been such a long time since i've written in here..and nothing really has changed all that much. school is going pretty well so far this semester...not too exciting..but hey..it's college :P my classes are pretty easy and i get to see my friends alot more than i was. i actually watched the super bowl game..voluntarily!! what happened to me? i hate football..but i sat there and watched the game!! im quite proud of myself for that one :P
i hate getting sick! im losing my voice (a blessing for some i know) but if i can't talk maybe i won't have to work hah..yeah right

work is work...i work all the time and barely have a social life..if that's what you want to call it anyways. today was the worst day ever! i had so much crap to deal with from open to close i was just glad to leave there..knowing that i'd be right back there tomorrow night for 7 hours..whoo hoo go me (please note sarcasm..thank you) i mean i shouldn't complain cuz i am getting more hours than up at lehigh which means better checks which are always good..i just wish i could have my life back. a life that didn't consist of a never ending circle of getting up going to class then right to work, coming home and doing homework til who knows when and then starting all over again the next day. oh well.

nothing really has changed all that much...me and matt are still...well i don't really know. we haven't hung out since we went out for our christmas thingy. we don't talk all that much at school..except for last week. it's nice talking to him...it really is. talking to him last week made me realize how much i really do miss him...as a friend. even after everything i'd love to keep him as a friend because we do have so much in common and can talk to one another about supid things..which i do with pretty much everyone but still lol. oh well it's not like any of this actually matters. things will happen they way they are meant to happen and i can't force them any other way...i think im finally ok with that. i can't change a person's mind..but i can change my own..and that's one of the hardest things i think i'm gonna ever have to do.
i finally realized what kind of person i want to date. i want a person that's fun to be around...a person that does those stupid little things that others think don't matter..but they do them because they know that they mean the world to me..like taking me to the top of a hill that overlooks the city on a clear night because he knows that i love looking at the stars and smiles when he looks at me because he knows he did something that meant alot to me. wait..what am i talking about..matt did that. i need to stop thinking about him..i need to get him out of my head.

[ Twinkle in the Sky]

i hate being a girl... [03 Jan 2005|11:16pm]
[ mood | sick ]


well...with the end of a new year...a new beginning should come of it..one would think? but of course in the end some things never change. and some things you never want to change either..but theres always that one thing that you wish would just improve just a little upon it's already above average existance. i wish i could read minds. it sucks to care about someone..know they care about you too but have them not show it.

things with matt are..i don't even know what...we went out last week to do our christmas exchange..he got me the simple plan dvd i wanted :D and then we went for a ride on constitution ave. (creepy road from our first "date") after that we sat and talked for a while before being chased by some psycho van flashing their high beams at us...quite the horror movie scene. after that we again found another spot to "chat" for a while. he drove me home and dropped me off..overall it was a good night. he gave me the cds that he burned for me and the mixes that he made...2 cds of 80's music..me and heather had lots of fun with those on sat. night. i just wish i could have more good days and nights with him. im just scared that things are gonna get weird again and i really can't deal with that whole drama all over again..as much as i do care about him..i just can't worry about what's gonna happen and what toes im stepping on if i decide to speak my mind. the whole things sucks..when im with him im happy..when i talk to him im happy..but then there are times like this when i don't know what's going on or what he's talking about that just make me want to put my head through a wall.

i got transferred to the south mall starting on sunday. im not exactly sure why..but it's closer to home, small store= easier to take care of..not to mention its about 2 mins from matt's house and his job...which is both good and bad. classes start up next week..i really don't want to go back...im enjoying sleeping in when i don't have to go to work. it's like i almost have a social life..hah that's funny.

i got to talk to leon the other day. it was really nice hearing from him and knowing that he's ok. he seems to care about me alot..which is odd in itself...reasons im not stating here. i told him that my parents are taking me to vegas in may and that's around the time he's gonna be on leave and going home to cali. well he had this wonderful idea to meet up with me in vegas for a day and then when my trip was over have me fly back to cali with him and spend a few days there and then come home...yeah..my parents are really gonna go for that...although he said he'd pay for it..which kinda scared me...but oh well..ill figure it out. i really do wanna go though.

[ Twinkle in the Sky]

first snow of the season [19 Dec 2004|07:48pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

i stole this from kelly..snatch and run!!!

that's kinda funny. well christmas is almost here..and i might be out of a job..im so lucky. the big dinner with kelly and allie and everyone has been postponed which works out for the best. along with that, matt cancelled for wednesday with me..so now i have to reschedule him too. it sucks. i hate him i like him i hate him then i like him again..grr..i need to make sense. heather will be home soon..YAY!! i have missed her alot and we certainly have a lot to do when she gets home. brenda will be home too...im supposed to see the new jim carrey movie with her tomorrow night..but that all depends on how the snow is and driving and if she even comes home or not.
[1 Star Twinkle in the Sky]

*hides* [08 Dec 2004|02:43pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

so much for being nervous. after art..which matt never showed up for i went to the library like i always do with sheri and he knows this so i just figured that he'd come and find me. nope..he didn't come into any classes that day. whatever. we talked a little online last night..not good. but then i got to see him today and things went well. i dyed my hair last night..and i knew he'd freak..which he did. after art i went up to him and without turning his head he was like "you look like a fucking vampire" and i told him to bite me cuz i like that. don't care..i <3 my hair. so we are gonna talk probably tomorrow if he doesn't have to work since i found some things out and i just have to say something about them...so we shall see how that one goes. but im no longer nervous or freaked out when i have to see him which is a good thing.

finals are next week..eep! 4 finals, a portfolio, and a project all due...ahh this is the worst part about college..so effin stressful! not to mention having to work on top of that. ill be studying in my room all weekend..the only time i'll be out is to go to work..i really have to do well on these finals. and after that i have til jan 10th off from school..thankfully. christmas is coming and i have to go shopping. heather and i decided that we're not going to get anything for each other this year...we're just gonna go out one night just the two of us. yay!! im excited to see all my friends for more than 1 day cuz they're only home for 3. i have to go to work..blah..have to get ready...dnasngkfdasnkldfajkl;alfdjf;ldsajfshhbginrewoin yeah.

[ Twinkle in the Sky]

[06 Dec 2004|08:18am]
[ mood | nervous ]

the weekend is over and i can honestly say that i didn't do all the much..but sleep. friday night i went over to ashley's to watch cinderella..i <3 that movie! saturday i slept all day even though i was going to work on my paper for anatomy. heather called most of the day so i got to talk to her which was nice inspite of the circumstance. that night me and allie me marguerite over at kelly's house for her parent's x-mas party which was fun. her family is really tall..i felt like a midget. but other than that and us playing truth or dare with a spin it was all good.
**kelly has a hot cousin**
yesterday i had to work sadly. ick...8.30am..blah. after that i came home and had dinner with my family for once because it was my dad's birthday..and again i ended up sleeping for almost 4 hours. i think i sleep more than im awake. now im sitting in the library with jess waiting to go to art history..and then i have one hour to build up my nerve cuz me and matt are gonna talk...eep...
im so afraid of what he's going to say...i have a feeling i know but i don't wanna hear it. maybe it would be better if he would just hate me cuz then i know nothing would happen and that's ok bu the truth is that i don't want him to hate me at all..i just want things to be at a normal level again... is it bad when u know what u want and u can't have it? oh well..i have 2 hours til i know what's going to happen or not going ot happen..pray for me.



From Go-Quiz.com
[ Twinkle in the Sky]

real life sucks sometimes [20 Nov 2004|12:51am]
[ mood | excited ]

well the week is over..finally. last night was horrible..i was on my way to work and i hit a deer..my first accident. so of course i was a little shaken up to say the least...but then some lady asked if the deer was ok? i just said that i didnt give a fuck about the deer..honestly i cared more about me and my car at the time..i think in that moment i was allowed to be selfish. so i called my parents, work, and of course matt. he called me later when he was done with classes to see if i was ok and was being thick headed and insisted on taking me to class so i said ok. spent all day at school..me and him had a bit of a tid-bit which im glad is over. the ride home was especially intersting. driving on the highway doing 80 with him singing "im too sexy.." yeah..that was a sight for sure..but what can i say i <3 him!! not love love but u know what i mean. he came in to work to see me tonight i was shocked cuz i thought he was still a little upset with me over the whole ordeal..but i guess not..and wow did he look amazing today..seriously. between wearing curve, the spiked hair and just him in general..its orgasmic to say the least hehe. but sadly i do not get to see him this week between us both working and his friend in town for the weekend there's no time for us..which i guess we kinda need anyways.
tomorrow im going to see santa with ashley!! cuz matt's being mean and won't take me..and when heather comes home we're gonna go too...hmm i wonder if i've been naughty of nice this year?
tomorrow night is saucon's big game..maybe ill get ashley to go and meet up with jess and her bf there...i got threatened by crystal and bonnie to go to do the whole bando reunion type thing again..so i might as well go..i'd be in good company i guess..crazy but good. i have a headache..damn stearing wheel

[ Twinkle in the Sky]

rob zombie to vanessa carlton and back [14 Nov 2004|11:17pm]
[ mood | loved ]

well tonight was the perfect ending to a great weekend. i saw matt everyday this week which is great. he came to see me at work on thursday and drove out to p-burg last night to see me. tonight i went to his house to watch van helsing and after that he took me for a drive through the woods to a spot that overlooks all of allentown..it was so beautiful. cemetaries are fun at night..and if u are close to getting caught..drive like u stole it!! good lessong to remember. other than that..nothing new has really happened. i miss my friends. and not just the ones that are away at college. i miss my friends that are in the same town as me..between school and work i go crazy..and now matt's around all the time which is good..but i miss my girls. i hope i get to see them soon. brenda and heather are coming home next week which should be fun like normal...im tired off to bed so i get enough sleep..i see the boy in 10 hours lol

[ Twinkle in the Sky]

is this real life? [09 Nov 2004|11:34am]
[ mood | loved ]

im happy!! so much has been going on lately...me and ashley had our halloween party..some good some bad points to it..but overall we lived through it. kelly and matt came as bush and kerry..i lost my cousin on the way over, and heather came home for the weekend...not to mention richie being a total douche like normal. nothing really new with school and work..picked out new classes for next semester..20 credits..im insane. work sucks im gonna start looking for a new job soon because of some issues im having with the place. but other than that everything is fine in all aspects.
this past weekend was just incredible. friday i was supposed to go to a game with richie..but to my suprise...very good suprise in fact, matt, a cutie in my art history class asked me to hang out. and of course i couldn't really say no to either of them..so i got matt to come to the game with me and richie. bad decision i know..but i did well with what i had to work with. as soon as we got to the game richie decided to do his own thing, leaving me and matt to do whatever. after about 45 mins we were extremely bored so we decided to leave, i text richie telling him that we were going back to matt's to watch a movie and of course he got touchy. so me and matt rented underworld...neither of us ever saw it. richie called later to tell us the game was over cuz i said i'd pick him up (i felt kinda bad for leaving him there) so the whole way to his house he didn't talk and if he did it was to tell me how disgusted he was with me that i left and whatnot. we got to his house, he got out said "have a good time" and slammed my door. so..i went back to matt's to finish the movie and we made plans for the following night after he was done with work. yay for saturday!! he called me and made the plans, he came over, met my parents (they loved him) and he took me for a ride on this scary road and held my hand (quite cute) then we went to see "saw"..omg scary ass movie! i love horror movies, don't get scared..this one terrified me. he protected me though so i lived hehe. after that we came back to my house and watched super troopers and cuddled on the couch. he left a little before 12 and of course ended it with a good night kiss that was about to make me black out...literally. he came over my house yesterday when we were done with classes and stayed for like 4.5 hours, my mom came home and found us on the couch together..she really likes him. we ended up watching queen of the damned and listening to the cd he made me (weird scary songs that he played for the ride sat. night) overall..im happy. it's amazing..i spend all the hours with him and he still calls me at night to talk more. for the first time all semester i was on time for my class. i can't wait to see him tomorrow

[ Twinkle in the Sky]

im too tired for this [25 Oct 2004|08:50am]
[ mood | sore ]

i went to the saucon vs. salisbury game on friday night with jess..fun times there..got to see the bandos and my novia!! i do miss her so.but that was about it for the night. saturday i got to sleep in..but not really...i had to work...and on my way i got a call asking where i was cuz apparently i was supposed to start at 2 and i wrote down 2.30..im so slow. so they told me that i was going to be working there til about 5.30 then i ended up having to drive to the south mall and working there til 9 alone. i called richie while i was there seeing as though there was nothing else for me to really do. that was an interesting convo like normal...whatever. and of course sunday i had to open so i was there at 10.30 and was only scheduled til 5 but amy hurt her foot so i said that i'd work the rest of the night for her. so i ended up working 10 hours yesterday..but i got to work with ashley so it wasn't bad at all. yesterday at work was fun though..somewhat. i got to wear the cat costume that we have and ashley wore the bunny one...yay for halloween. im happy that i have off tonight..it's a blessing for me :D

i don't want this week to happen! i have a social psych test (which i just finished) and a stat test today, tomorrow i have my midterm for my other psych class and my demo speech (bleh) and on wed. i have my art history test..the only thing i don't have anything major for this week is human anatomy..thankfully. that class is a killer.

the party is on saturday..and i still have no idea what's going on. im not good at this. but we did get the food though..well my parents did..but same concept. we need drinks and to do the "entertainment" portion of all this and we're good to go.
i talked to heather last night..she might be coming home this weekend but she's not sure yet...and if she does come home she'll be coming to the party, have to make sure she behaves though..she's not too fond of richie right now. oh well..not my problem. so hopefully she and my cousin will both make it..i haven't seen her in over 2 months..that's crazy..i miss her like whoa along with the stupid shit we used to do all the time.

[ Twinkle in the Sky]

i thought college was supposed to make u smarter? [18 Oct 2004|10:31pm]
[ mood | okay ]

well after an exhausting weekend of doing nothing i was almost kinda glad to get back to school today, as scary as that is. it sucked...i was 20 mins late for my first class cuz of some accident on the highway..stupid tractor trailers. but jess waited for me and then off to social psychology. after that coffee time and then to the library where hans informed us that europe was a country. i was impressed to say the least. college students are so alert and on the ball at 9am i swear. then pretty much eveything after that was nothing of excitement...just saw cute boy today...he makes my day...don't care if he talks to me or not..he's there...im good. i need a life hah..but i did get to see stan which always helps out when im stressing. he im'd me from his one class telling me that my "cuttie pie" had left early...i love him..he's polish and big and just grr..very cool.

i got to talk to my cousin tim today...wonderful boy..yeah. i invited him to the party..so hopefully he will show up..but he wants to bring his gf..i don't know what number this is cuz he's such a slut. but the good thing about him is when push comes to shove..he has my back..and i appreciate that more than anything.
THE PARTY IS ALMOST HERE!!!! me and sheniqua (ashley) have only a few more things to do..plus i have to get the finishing touches done for my costume..i can't wait!!! if there's anything special you guys want let me know!!

[ Twinkle in the Sky]

what to do...what to do?? [16 Oct 2004|11:22am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

i can't wait..me and ashley's halloween party is coming up fast! Oct. 30...it should be interesting. still have last minute things to do but we'll figure that all out tomorrow after work. richie is gonna be there..so that should just be fun for all...i don't want him there..but at the same time i kinda do. whatever. im just happy bill is gonna make it for me. but no matter who comes or doesn't come it should be a great night!!
speaking of bill..he was supposed to come up and spend the day with me..but last night he wasn't feeling well..then i got a call at 10.30 this morning saying he didn't even go to work so there was no way he would make it today. this blows man i wanted to see him. the only thing i have planned for today is that i have to wait for ashley to call then i have to go over and do her hair for her homecoming dance tonight with her boyfriend mike (cute couple)
i still have to get things for my costume..and with spencer's open again..i'll be going there for all the essentials

I'm sick of all the lies,
I'm tired of all the tears.
I'm scared to think about all the holes
my heart will mend through the years.

I'm tired of the look in your eyes,
the one i can never trust.
The one i can never decide,
if it's ever love or lust.
The one you said would last forever,
has quickly gone away.
Now I only have blank stares
coming back my way.

All the things you've said to me
were never meant to be true.
And after everything between us,
I can finally say
I'm getting over you.

i'm sick of all the drama with richie...i can't be happy with him so i'll be happy without him.
seriously what's wrong with me..i have a guy half way around the world sending me roses and telling me how great he thinks i am..who wants to see me when he's on leave..and im wasting my time on richie?!? what the fuck is seriously wrong with me...although i don't like the guy around the world like that...maybe being single is best for me?

[ Twinkle in the Sky]

is this my happy ending? [08 Oct 2004|12:10pm]
[ mood | good ]

school is going good right now...i guess...its school...its only as great as u make it. saucon's homecoming is tonight, which i am going to cuz im a loser like that but it should be fun like always. im hoping bill comes down tonight...with everything going on im glad he's willing to be my net cuz right now im falling faster than ever before...weee!!! so we shall see what happens there.
things for the halloween party are coming together nicely so im hoping it goes well. i went out with ashley...we were bored so we went to david's bridal and tried on gowns for a while...fun times there i guess
no comment on richie or any guy right now for that matter. but all i will say is that im happy and not to worry...i think i finally figured out what i want, and im going to get it...so no frets for me..ill be ok..that's it for now..im off to do some actual work for once..go me

[2 Stars Twinkle in the Sky]

[27 Sep 2004|09:04am]
[ mood | thirsty ]

well last night i went to celtic classic with kelly and marguerite..fun time indeed..as always. we met these 3 guys that were drunk and very....man like i guess. it was the typical stereotypical drunk guy meets sober girl..."u have a nice rack" go kelly lol...but apparently i look like im some evil bitch...not to mention one that's very sexually active. hmm...i wonder how people read me so well...but then again..am i such a bitch..and if i am why?

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch. When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch. When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch. Being a bitch means I won’t compromise what’s in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won’t allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone’s maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won’t become anyone else’s idea of what they think I "should" be. I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that! So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won’t succeed. And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

my friend jess sent me this from her friends journal..i thought it most appropriate..so raise a glass or a hand or something in that fashion for all the bitches in the world..and say it loud say it proud...I WAS BORN TO BE A BITCH!

because men are in fact men and they have a penis that they are always right and in control and everything else that they want to be. women on the other hand only have boobs which serve to strive the man to be even more man like which leads them to be even more dicks and assholes than they already are. so therefore..when a man realizes that he has a penis and realizes its almighty power it has then he quickly becomes master of his male dominated universe type bubble that they live in.

[2 Stars Twinkle in the Sky]

i should be studying...oops [22 Sep 2004|01:38pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

ok well nothing new has really been going on lately..school is great..im having an amazing time with all the people again. work is work...bleh and my friends..i miss them like crazy. i got to see kelly, marguerite, and kristen over this passed weekend...after ivan hit and hellertown was in ruins..we were trying to find my dog..but alas..i think e died in the flood or something i don't know...doesn't matter..there is no real dog. the people of hellertown were out and about with their trusty flashlights looking for stuff..im not sure what they were looking for nor do i care if they find it.

ok this is probably gonna be the last time i write about richie in here. i think..well i should, just cut all ties with him and things come to an end. i found out that a few days before he and i broke up he had asked ashley to kiss him. he denies it like normal. im not sure what to think. im trying to just let things go..but because of that certain situation with him and what happened between us..it just makes it so much harder. i t hink about him and i think of the good times...but when this stuff happens..i keep thinking only about the good things like nothing is wrong and tehre isn't a problem. we're not getting back together and im finaly ok with that..but he wants me to trust him and right now im not sure if i can...i want to cuz i still care for him more than anything...i just don't know..he lied..and i hate that. i saw the pic ashley had of me and him from the one night we went to a diner...i just sat and stared at it...i looked so happy...and so did he..and it wasn't one of those fake smiles either. but then i got to thinking that he wasnt smiling for me he was smiling for the person taking the pic more than anything...i know that now..even though now things have changed. i just feel like now all friendships between us have either been ruined or severly bruised by all this crap..it makes no sense to me and could have been avoided. i really don't know what to do. i hate myself anymore..all i am is miserable...minus some of the time im at school..when i don't have the opportunity to think about all this...but the minute i walk out the doors to leave or get to my car..the minute my mind starts to wonder and it always leads to him. i hate that..i hate that i actually loved him and that i put trust in him like i've never done with anyone else. it took me a while to finally trust someone..after this..it's going to take even longer to trust myself. i hate that he lied to me and hurt me...with lee it was different..yeah he did hurt me but still he told me the truth and i respected him for that..things with lee are starting to look good...even though there is no chance in hell or us going back out. the one thing i want in my life is the one thing i can't have..i want to be happy.

[ Twinkle in the Sky]

Bring it on! [11 Sep 2004|11:39pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

yesterday i went to see john kerry speak at the allentown fair grounds with kelly and kristen...it was very exciting..i've never been to anything like that..and there is much to be said about humanity and morality. after that we went to the south mall and walked around a bit..took kristen home then me and kelly went to the other mall and walked around. i finally got sleep though! i did almost all my anatomy homework so ill just finish that tomorrow.
i went shopping with ashley today and got my halloween costume..need to get a wig and some other things..but i got the outfit :) me and her need to start planning the halloween party we're gonna have...should be interesting seeing as though we have none of the same friends. but oh well...im just glad i got a decent one this year since i have to wear it for work halloween weekend i wanted it to be something good. not too much to say tonight..going to see richie tomorrow night so that should be i don't know what....i never do.
hmm..i wonder what else i can do tomorrow..besides finishing up my homework...which i still have quite a bit on..but yeah...definitely seeing richie but for now i am going to bed because i am tired like normal..but for once i can take advantage of it and do something about it by sleeping my life away..yes...the joys of being in college :D

[1 Star Twinkle in the Sky]

shame on me another time [10 Sep 2004|08:38am]
[ mood | nauseated ]

blah everything is just..blah right now. it's 8.40 in the morning..i missed my class cuz my alarm clock didn't go off again! so i didn't get up til after 6.30. so here i sit thinking back to last night's events. work...bleh. everything with richie is so fucked up it's not even funny anymore. he told me that the real reason that he "broke up" with me is cuz he does like ashley. i ended up punching and slapping him.and then found that he had a pic of her that she mailed to him but he had it in his back pocket...i had to leave...as i did he asked if i wanted him to walk me out or not and i told him what i really wanted to do was to burn her picture right in front of him. i would have to but i had no lighter on me. but he does seem to be confused...as am i. i feel so worthless. he just wants to be friends for now..but we will be getting back together apparently....i don't care anymore. i can't do anything right anymore..my dad started bitching this morning for not hanging my clothes up from the beginning of this week...yeah cuz u know that's #1 priority for me on top of going to classes..working 8 hours not getting home til 10.30 or 11 and doing homework for hours and then getting up at 6 or 7.30 (depending on the day) and not getting any sleep. i totally get how clothes fit in there. not to mention trying to save my sanity with everything going on there. i have to keep thinking that if i didn't break up with alex the year and a half ago that none of this might not be going on...as of last nov. that boy was still in love with me. i thought richie was too...obviously i trusted him with alot but wow..what the hell happened? i give up..all i want is to see my friends! i haven't seen them in i don't even know how long..and all i can do is call when i need help..im sorry guys! i need a life..i need my friends..i have off this whole weekend..im definitely taking advantage of that.

[ Twinkle in the Sky]

like whoa [07 Sep 2004|08:12am]
[ mood | distressed ]

Well everything is alright i guess with richie..i've seen him practically everyday since last week. last night was great though..spent the whole afternoon just the 2 of us...went to the south mall..met allie's cousin dan and i richie paid for me to get my ears pierced once again..so that makes..9 holes total lol. after that we just spend the rest of the time at his house..and my parents know about him so that makes it good so i don't have to keep sneaking around anymore. we ended up watching the chapelle show in his room and there was one sketch that talked about boobs and how great guys think they are and how often they think about them. well i just had to know if that was true so i asked him and he said yeah that he still stares and thinks about them when im not around haha that's kinda funny and weird at the same time i don't know. but he kissed me goobye last night which he hasn't done for a while. that boy makes me weak in the knees..literally.

i miss my friends like whoa..i think im missing out on so much..i haven't seen them in weeks!! i've been so occupied with all this drama with richie and work and classes that i've just been pulled apart. and no im not going for a dark blue bubble moment there. i really do miss them though..i miss going out and doing nothing and just being stupid and random. going to walmart cuz we're so sad cuz our town sucks and there's nothing to do. i just miss them in general. i hope i get to see them this weekend since i have off friday and saturday for once. :( ick i gotta get ready to leave for class now..bleh

[ Twinkle in the Sky]

someone save me (and i can't spell it's 9 am and i got 2.5 hours of sleep) [03 Sep 2004|08:57am]
[ mood | depressed ]

ok well college has started and things are great there...got to see some people that i missed over the summer and such..work is the same blah blah blah.

me and richie broke up last night. it's hard to explain. we're more than friends but not in a relationship...and we're gonna keep seeing each other and talking like before..we're just not "together" he said that he needs to take some time before he can really give all of himself in a relationship kinda way with me. i've never cried so much in front of one person...and he cried too which was just unbelieveable. he really does care about me..he just wants some time to figure out his life and the what direction he wants to be going in. so it's like he likes me and wants to be with me but he has to like himself first i guess. it was so heartbreaking last night...it just felt like my whole life just ended. i didn't want to wake up this morning..i didn't even wanna get home alright.its scares me to think that i think i actually found the right person for me. he told me that the reason he got the application for the aero store in the mall was so that he could see me more. i feel like i lost the best thing in my life. i miss him so much and its only been 9 hours. i kissed him goodbye last night and it just made me cry more. so in the end we figured out that we're more than friends, just not a couple..but we both like each other more than anything and mean the world to the other..so we weon't be dating anyone else...and til then i just have to wait..this is going to show how much patience i really have. i poured my heart out to him and just spilled the truth..how right now he's the only thing in my life that's stable and the only one i can believe sometimes and the only one i just wanna be around. and i've told him before that i love him...but last night i finally realized what true love is. if it's meant to be it will be...and i just keep praying that it will be soon. im still going to see him after work tonight maybe..i don't know i have to open the store tomorrow. i got my schedule changed for tomorrow so that i could spend the night with him to go see the rocky horror picture show with him at the sterling. so when he gets done with work ill be picking him up then going there..and spending the night at his house sleeping on his couch while he's on the bed. i feel so empty..i know he cares about me it's just not the same. i can't stop crying. i started crying in my social psych class this morning..all last night with him (1.5 hours) the whole drive home..the whole night til i finally fell asleep..the whole morning..i don't know how i got makeup on..and then the whole way here. i look like shit but i dont care. i just don't know what to do...i know he's coming back...i just wish he didn't have to leave.

[2 Stars Twinkle in the Sky]

summer wrap up [31 Aug 2004|09:04am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

well the end of summer is here and now im sitting in the computer lab at school waiting for my next class at 10. first day of class and i was late..damn alarm clock. but nonetheless i got there and made it lol. im soooo tired right now..and there isn't really anyone to hang out with or talk to. oh well.
this summer was amazing...i started and kept a great job...i thought i had something great..didn't..but it all worked out cuz now i have something even better!! (no offense to anyone) i fell in love with a boy who just makes me happy. i got to see my friends, not as much as i had hoped but still we had some good times like always. had to say goodbye to heather..that wasn't the best thing in the world...i miss her. had a get together type thing for my b-day at montana west which was a very i don't know what..but whatever it was..it really was...that made sense to me. this has been a great summer, sometimes stressful and tiring. but amazing like whoa!!
i want my damn car back..i just got it back friday night and then had to drop it off sunday night to get painted...then thursday when it's done i get it for the whole ride to the garage to get fixed yet again. wow a whole week without lola shit. but she'll look all pretty when i get her back hehe. so for now i get to use my dad's car...whooo..i miss my friends..and after my classes are over at 3.10 i have to go right to work and stay there til closing which blows since i worked 10.5 hours last night and then spent some time with the boy since i won't be seeing him for a few days.
im gonna miss having a social life lol..i have to many classes and with the hours at work ahhh...but i shall make time to leave the domains of my job, classrooms, and room (studying) i can't wait for this weekend..the boyfriend is taking me to see the rocky horror picture show at the sterling...starts late sat. night and doesn't end til sunday at like 2am or something dumb like that...which means ill be spending the night again..joyous :D im excited..i LOVE the movie and i think this is the play which should be a pretty interesting experience.

[2 Stars Twinkle in the Sky]

llriteillcllutoomarow...was that english?? [28 Aug 2004|12:15am]
[ mood | complacent ]

well another birthday come and gone..im 19..im old..well according to heather i am. and what did the wonderful day consist of? going to work for 8.5 hours..then going to richie's house..where all he did was sleep :( so i left. but i did find out my present...he was planning on taking me out to dinner and to a movie. but when i got there it was obviously too late..and if we did go out he'd probably drown in his soup. so i stayed in his room while he slept on his bed..i felt just like ariel in the little mermaid when she finds prince eric washed on the shore and she's playing with his hair and starts singing to him til he wakes up hah..well it was kinda like that minus the singing part and the waking up too...but to "make it up to me" he's gonna make plans for an entire weekend where it's just gonna be the 2 of us with hopefully no interuptions..how nice would that be. i was freaked out though cuz bill put the idea in my mind that he was gonna get me a ring...and now that i think about it..im not that afraid of it. i think that would be so sweet..i mean i'd be shocked but still..damn...talk about having a relationship. for the first time i know i can't mess things up. i have that wedding to go to tomorrow and sadly i have no date..the bf can't go cuz of work and that will be til about 4ish..so im hoping to see him tomorrow night..bill won't go cuz of his fear of being akward and such..and i don't know if the new girl would approve of it...and i never got a hold of sean..this sucks.

bill has a girlfriend..i should be happy for the guy..he's great and i love him dearly..he's an amazing friend..but im angry that he's seeing someone...i have the best person ever and i can't help but be upset over this. we did make an agreement though saying that by the time im 35 (i think) that if neither of us were married we'd get married..i like that...i like knowing he's there for me..and now it's like he's not cuz he's got something else and can never talk to me. wow i feel really selfish now...bleh

school starts on tuesday and im actually excited!! i can't wait to see everyone again..although abby, rachel, and ashley won't be there but i still got my boys. i can't wait!! i just got my car back tonight..just got a brand new top put on it and is getting painted this coming week..lola's gonna be lookin hott!!! i just won't have her for the first week of classes haha..but i get my daddy's toy which is fun too :D

[ Twinkle in the Sky]

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